Friday, 17 January 2014

Glider




To glide or not to glide. That is the question.
As my weekly mileage continues to increase I find myself looking for a solution to a common running problem caused by the rubbing of two totally pointless (for men) body parts against my running shirt.
Sore nipples.
I am currently sporting a couple of nipples that resemble game show buzzers and boy do they hurt.



It's quite possible Saturday mornings shower after my long run was the most painful in recent memory and you know what they say, "It's in the shower you feel the pain of victory".......Unless your in high security prison. Then it's a whole different story.
So what option do we have to relieve our selves of this burden? 

Tape - I may or may not have mentioned before that I have a hair problem. It grows all over my body like Malaysian Jungleweed. Well everywhere except the areas of the body susceptible to male pattern baldness, they just keep getting balder. Any tape I attach falls off within 20 minutes of a run and I'm back to square one with a pair of braying hooters sticking out of my shirt like a pair of monkeys thumbs. The only tape that's really going to work is Duct Tape and I fear the pain of trying to remove it cancels out any lasting benefits.



Vaseline - Now this I like and I have tried it AND it works but what a mess it leaves on your running gear. I also tripped once and ended up whoooshing down the road on my belly like the silver surfer. A hairy silver surfer.

Nipple Removal - They may be of no use whatsoever but I'm not going to entertain the idea of having someone remove my nipples under anaesthetic. Do they replace them with prosthetic nipples? It's quite possible that they do and I urge you to take my word for it and not carry out a search on google images for prosthetic nipples.  I started writing this blog post on Monday but ended up waylaid carrying out further 'research' on the subject.

Running Topless - Not an option. I am not going back to jail/zoo.

Man Up - The seventies are dead man, let them go.

One of my running friends, Samantha has pointed me in the direction of Body Glide and I shall be purchasing a thingumy of it on Monday from her. I've had a look at their website and it appears to be the real deal although I'm always hesitant to add expense to something that should really only be shirt, shorts and a pair of running shoes. In this case I think the additional expense is worth it if it takes away the pain.

Their website is full of useful testimony such as Elisabeth who has now devoted her life to spreading the word about body glide after it er, um, saved her life after a heart attack. I had to watch that a couple of times as I thought she had possibly had the heart attack because of her chaffed nipples.



So hopefully Monday brings a solution and If you suffer from this affliction yourself then fear not. You are not alone *hugs*. If you continue though the pain then I salute you. Wear those medals with pride, you earned them.

Thanks to Stephen Brown




Stay lucky.