Friday, 17 January 2014


To glide or not to glide. That is the question.
As my weekly mileage continues to increase I find myself looking for a solution to a common running problem caused by the rubbing of two totally pointless (for men) body parts against my running shirt.
Sore nipples.
I am currently sporting a couple of nipples that resemble game show buzzers and boy do they hurt.

It's quite possible Saturday mornings shower after my long run was the most painful in recent memory and you know what they say, "It's in the shower you feel the pain of victory".......Unless your in high security prison. Then it's a whole different story.
So what option do we have to relieve our selves of this burden? 

Tape - I may or may not have mentioned before that I have a hair problem. It grows all over my body like Malaysian Jungleweed. Well everywhere except the areas of the body susceptible to male pattern baldness, they just keep getting balder. Any tape I attach falls off within 20 minutes of a run and I'm back to square one with a pair of braying hooters sticking out of my shirt like a pair of monkeys thumbs. The only tape that's really going to work is Duct Tape and I fear the pain of trying to remove it cancels out any lasting benefits.

Vaseline - Now this I like and I have tried it AND it works but what a mess it leaves on your running gear. I also tripped once and ended up whoooshing down the road on my belly like the silver surfer. A hairy silver surfer.

Nipple Removal - They may be of no use whatsoever but I'm not going to entertain the idea of having someone remove my nipples under anaesthetic. Do they replace them with prosthetic nipples? It's quite possible that they do and I urge you to take my word for it and not carry out a search on google images for prosthetic nipples.  I started writing this blog post on Monday but ended up waylaid carrying out further 'research' on the subject.

Running Topless - Not an option. I am not going back to jail/zoo.

Man Up - The seventies are dead man, let them go.

One of my running friends, Samantha has pointed me in the direction of Body Glide and I shall be purchasing a thingumy of it on Monday from her. I've had a look at their website and it appears to be the real deal although I'm always hesitant to add expense to something that should really only be shirt, shorts and a pair of running shoes. In this case I think the additional expense is worth it if it takes away the pain.

Their website is full of useful testimony such as Elisabeth who has now devoted her life to spreading the word about body glide after it er, um, saved her life after a heart attack. I had to watch that a couple of times as I thought she had possibly had the heart attack because of her chaffed nipples.

So hopefully Monday brings a solution and If you suffer from this affliction yourself then fear not. You are not alone *hugs*. If you continue though the pain then I salute you. Wear those medals with pride, you earned them.

Thanks to Stephen Brown

Stay lucky.

Friday, 10 January 2014


So my mate contacts me last week.
When I say mate I mean MATE MATE. The type of mate that you spend your school years, adolescence, good times and bad times with. Your formative years if you will. It's safe to say that if I ever faced a life crisis of monumental proportion that he would be one of my go to guys.  So he has a confession.
He wears tights.
Not the same kind of tights that Holly wore to hitch hike her way across the USA but a different type of tights. A pair of tights that make you run faster than a dodgy plate of Ikan Bilis (Dried/Fried Anchovies). So I empathise with with my mate and also come clean and admit that yes, I too am a wearer of tights. Come clean to you the readers of this blog. Not to him.

Now, I feel it's important to highlight that the tights in questions are of the compression variety and not the kind a lady would wear. I purchased a pair last year at the lovely sport shop in the Gardens Mall and it was only when I got home I realised my rough Scottish upbringing would completely forbid me from wearing them in public. EVER. That's not to say I have any objections to folk wearing these garments in public but it comes more from the fear that should I ever be photographed at one of the numerous racing events in Malaysia wearing a pair and that photo ever made it back to Scotland and landed in the hands of my friends then god help me sweet baby jesus. It's safe to say if I was ever allowed to show my face on the streets of Aberdeen again it would most probably be whilst being pursued by a gang of youths shouting obscenities and haranguing my every step as if I was wearing a beige safari suit made of crimpolene.

The stay at home and not let anyone see tights

Now lets not get too carried away. I like a performance boost as much as the next person but do they really work? Yes and No. There's a growing body of evidence to suggest that the use of these garments post run (well is there any other sport?) actually aids recovery. I can put my hand on my heart and say that I can totally agree with this and have had many rescued Saturday and Sunday mornings after a long run where I have not only be able to move but been able to waltz across the house like Fred Astaire. When I say like Fred Astaire I'm obviously talking about a 75 year old Freddy with a dash of Alzeimers but you catch my drift.
I visited Brisbane recently and managed to purchase a pair of 2XU compression socks in the local running store and the main reason behind the purchase was:
1 - Smaller and more inconspicuous than a pair of tights
2 - Low Cost
3 - Plain black, no logos, nada, nothing. Just BLACK

Brisbane for those who have not been there before is a city in Australia that was built specifically for runners and runners only. If you don't run, you aint gettin' in mate. Brisbane is Hebrew for 'City that Runs'. Fact.
Anyway, so I'd managed to knock out a couple of long runs before stumbling upon the sports shop and socks so threw caution to the wind and thought what the heck. Buy them.
Unfortunately, the next morning I caught sight of myself in the hotel room mirror and just couldn't do it. It's safe to say I resembled Lou Reeds 'Holly' (see Youtube link above) forty years after the song had been written, a hairy, overweight Pippy Longstockings if you will. I just couldn't do it because in the back of my damaged Scottish mind that bunch of kids are sitting outside the hotel waiting for me.
Last weekend I started the first of my Saturday morning long runs plodding round Melawati and even I know that Scottish Neds are not likely to be awake at 4:30am in the morning so I went for it. I wore the socks.

Goth Socks!!

The first 20 minutes were awful. That's how long it took me to actually get the bloody things over my calfs. After my upper body workout pulling the socks on I headed off on a gentle but hilly route round sleepy Melawati. I'd love to tell you that I noticed a difference but to be honest I couldn't really see what the fuss was about. I felt less 'jiggly' down there. Not 'there' but further down 'there' where the socks are and maybe that's a benefit as there's less muscle movement when you run. I didn't run any faster and didn't feel like I'd be breaking any records anytime soon so the jury is out with regards to using them as a performance aid. I kept them on after the run for a couple of hours and as before with the compression tights I felt like I could go out and do another run the next day without any aches pains or DOMS.
As with everything it's really down to what you feel suits you and what you feel comfortable running in. Sometimes you need to take a walk on the wild side to truly find whats good for you. I'm happy walking on the mild side.
My mate back home? I told him he's owe me a bottle of Whisky or I'll tell everyone he's a transvestite.

Stay lucky.

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

The Year of Giving Dangerously

Firstly, Happy New Year to all you bloody lovely people out there. Yes YOU.

At last 2013 is out of the way and it's onward and upwards with 2014. If 2013 was a good year for you ( injury free, PB's, goals achieved, heavy drinking targets met,  pigs fed watered and flying round the world) ,then hold and cherish that memory. Clutch it to your chest like a baby Orangutan and occasionally glance at it fondly and use it to spur you onto bigger and better things this year.
Now, if 2013 was an extremely bad year for you (injuries, heavy drinking, PB's in reverse etc, etc) then grab that memory, set fire to it and sh*t it into outer space because it's all over now.
I'm not really one for making new years resolutions mainly because it's framed using a strange calender given to us by the Romans and based on Lunar cycles or something or other like that and I'm sure somebody told me that it's all going to go a bit awry soon when the moon speeds up or something. It will probably mean we start to eat our breakfast at tea time and such like but on a more positive note, most of the Malaysia marathons will be run at night  except the PJ night marathon which will be run at some other time. Well, you get the idea. I'm not an expert on these things so please please do not start panic buying at Jusco/Carrefour/Cold Storage just yet. If I hear anything official YOU will be the first to know.
Anyway, in a break from my normal traditions I have decided to set myself a target of running a marathon this year, possibly six. I've never run one before but I figure if man or mankind can land on the moon then surely my hairy little leggys can get me round a 42.195 km course?
What race to choose? Malaysia Womens Marathon is most definitely out or at least it was the last time I looked down in the toilet. That leaves Borneo ( Day after birthday, drunk marathon?), Kuching (sounds like cha ching,a sign I may win?) PJ Day/Night Marathon (moon shift dependent), SCKLM ( Safety in numbers, not far from the house ), Penang (Ran the half in 2012, last ever race on the old bridge yeah except we are going to run on it again 2013 but promise the new bridge will be open for 2014, sorry but I don't trust you anymore kinda thing going on there).
Appreciate any thoughts or advice or insights into the above races but why run a marathon now?
Well I'm not getting any younger and I have a niggling voice in my head. Not the one about the calenders or the one about the dancing man in Taman Tar but one that's pushing me on to achieve more. I'm hoping this doesn't end up with me looking like a pickled walnut in 5 years time at the end of Badwater 2019, gasping for breath wondering why my family has deserted me for a decent, non-running career man who doesn't have to shave twice per day.

It's also a chance to raise money for charity although after this years efforts raising money for Hospis Malaysia at SCKLM13 I think I may have sucked dry any remaining goodwill especially If I'm asking to people to donate to me running 21 km again. I know, I know, not even a mention on the New Years Honors list which doesn't bother me one iota as the Royal Family is as outdated as that bloody Roman calendar.
So if your looking for a reason to do something different this year, to push yourself on to bigger and better things you can do no worse than listen to a hero of mine, Joe Strummer of The Clash. Change the world and change your self at the same time. That's his spiel and it's one that I will continue to use throughout the year.
Over to you Joe -

                                              WWW.Without People You're Nothing

Happy New Year to you all and stay lucky...

PS - A huge Thank You to Mr. Runwitmeblogspot for the interview and publicity!